Snowbot's World: Can America Afford to Turn Her Back to Zombies?

It's late at night and you are driving home in your Lexus LS, with your Starbucks in one hand and your cellphone to your ear. You reach your destination and leave your car with the intent of entering your suburban home and sitting down to Sex and the City. But you stop short as you hear your trash can being knocked over from somewhere obscurred by shadows. "Who's there!?" you call out in a strained voice. Out of the shadows a silhouette forms, gradually transforming into an undead creature....

BAM! You blast the zombie with your pistol right in between the eyes. It falls like dead weight, and you drag him into the garbage.

You make me sick.

People today are too easily swayed by all the media hype about zombies being dangerous, zombies eating people, zombies vomitting acid, yaddayaddayadda. In short, its steaming pile of politically aimed bullshit. I am sick of listening to sound bytes of George Dubbuya talking about the crises our nation is in. This "War on Zombies". As proven by visionaries like George Romero, zombies can in fact be tamed and utilized for the benefit of mankind. ZOMBIES ARE AMERICAS GREATEST UNTAPPED RESOURCE.

Think of what the domestication of the common zombie could do for society. Got a mouse problem and your cat wont get off its fuzzy little ass? No problem, just dont feed the zombie for a day and it will be drooling all over the house for the little critters. Are you a special needs individual who is tired of waiting on the absurdly long list of people waiting for a seeing eye dog? Three words: seeing eye zombie. Are you afraid for your families security but dont want to risk keeping a gun in the home? Fence a zombie within your yard. World hungar? Eat zombies. War on Terror? Send zombies to Iraq. You want to create jobs in America? Then why are we throwing away such potential markets as zombie hunting, zombie taming, not to mention the manufacture of zombie feed and other countless merchendising oportunities.

All I am saying is this: Next time you see a wild zombie trying to find some raw meat in your gargage can, have a heart. Think twice before putting a hole in its head. It was once a person like you or me. Lets do the humane thing and enslave them for the benefit of us still living. Ensure your children the future they deserve.

Monkspider Reviews: Boo Berry (2004)

Boo Berry, perhaps mankind's finest interpretation of the breakfast cereal ideal. Check my review of the beast HERE

Three Hurrays for Snowbot!

CCvstSR:WWW has added a second editor to it's ranks, the notorious snowbot! Let's give him a warm reception! I look for Snowbot to add a bit of class to this blog that has been sorely lacking.

Snowbot is a true genius, who has been hand-picked for his excellent contributions to many different academic disciplines. Even the new animated "email" gif is his creation, what a top-notch fellow! Three Hurrays for Snowbot!

Monkspider Investigates: Bush to Expand the War on Terror Beyond the Cosmos?

Citing a number of official sources, monkspider has proven that the Bush Adminstration is planning for no less than to expand the war on terror beyond earth's borders.

Click here to read the article!

The White Chocolate Crisis: Is America's Afro-Centric Culture to Blame?

This summer, in a highly controversial move, Reese's launched a "White Chocolate" Reeses' Peanut Buttercup, finally breaking the candy industry's long silence on white-colored treats, the result of a self-imposed ban that has been in effect since the passage of the Civil Rights Act of 1964.

Many commentators have lamented the loss of white chocolate from America's confectionary landscape. But most civil right activists point to the candy's notorious past as the reason for it's taboo nature, being the preferred treat of notorious racists such as KKK founder Nathan Bedford Forrest, former Alabama governor George Wallace, and even Adolph Hitler. The candy is famous for it's role in the ground-breaking 1917 film, "The Birth of a Nation". In one scene a cavalcade of mounted KKK members are portrayed as heroically stopping a crazed african-american man from raping a young white woman, at the end of the scene we see a KKK member lift his hood and begin chewing on on a stick of white chocolate with the next frame displaying the words "I Don't Eat (N-Word) Candy!"

Needless to say, many civil rights activists have bitterly protested Reeses' re-introduction of this notorious treat, with the NAACP issuing a flat boycott of all Reeses' candies. However, some young people, including many African-Americans, believe that the candy should be taken at face-value as nothing more than a delicious dessert, and all racial implications should be dismissed.

Yet, still other's feel that the total dearth of white chocolate on America's store shelves is the result of cultural paradigm shift from a Euro-Centric culture to an Afro-Centric culture. In an era where America's young people idolize rap stars such as "Snoop Doggy Dogg", and "2Pac Shaker", and where young school children routinely discuss "Hanging out with the Homies ", it is easy to see where such conclusions could be drawn.

Regardless of where the truth lies, with both sides are digging in, it is clear that the battle over white chocolate is not one that will be decieded over night.

The Mongols Never Existed!

Mongols you say? Again I ask of you, What Mongols? I'm so tired of hearing of this imaginary Mongol boogeyman.

The Mongol Empire did not exist. There were no cities found, no roads, no nothing. There is no evidence that the Mongols ever existed. The Mongol Empire could not exist. The amount of forage and organization required to move the described mass (at least 100,000 men, meaning what, 200,000 horses?) was beyond the logistics of those times. Think Napoleon in 1812: the whole October-December campaign was full of logistical failures of both Russian and French forces, with up to 80% of casualties on both sides accounting to starvation and other non-combat issues. And Mongols are 600 years before that. They attacked Northern Russia in the winter of 1236 - can you imagine the attrition rates?

It is an utter fallacy of complete madmen to believe in this pie in the sky "Mongol Empire". Any kind of conflict that happened in the 13th century that is attibuted to these "Phantom Mongols" was probably just some sort of localized uprisings. They happened all the time in those days.


So rather than dream about Mongols, Martians, and fluffy pink dinosaurs, let's talk bring the discussion a little closer to reality. There may be an international Communist conspiracy to sap and impurify our precious bodily fluids...

American Adventurism in Western Asia: A Russian Plot to Weaken Britain?

American adventurism in Central and Western Asia, is it all a play on the part of the Russians to weaken the British?

An Analysis of Modern Geo-Strategic Objectives in the Greater Middle-Eastern Conflict by Monkspider

Intellectuals all across Europe, from Zurich to Vienna, from Frankfurt to Brussels, have come up with an infinite number of theories regarding the motives regarding America's disturbing move toward adventurism in Central and Western Asia. Many have seen it as a move for control of strategic resources, as America's industrial base continues to outpace that of Europe, the rich coal and petroleum reserves of Arabia surely must prove to be too attractive to America's captains of industry to resist. However, an increasing number of rogue professors have seriously considered the theory that America's leaders have fallen under the influence of St. Petersburg, and thaAt recent developments are nothing more than a continuation of Russian policy to weaken the British position in Central-Asia.

Consider Russia's long-standing policy to gain a stranglehold on the central Asian states, and to weaken the position of the British in Afghanistan and Persia. There would be nothing that would please the Russian bear more than to have a friendly client state in Afghanistan, though she herself has failed to gain hegemony through traditional means, under the auspices of American military might, she finally has acheived her long-sought after dream.

Now let us take under consideration Russia's other principal rival: Germany. What has been the single most divisive issue between the two great powers? The expansion of German economic interests in Iraq, including talk of a great railway. Perhaps no other issue has contributed to pushing Russia into the arms of France so strongly. What could be a better way to stamp out German influence than to form a secret alliance with the Americans and fund an full-scale invasion? Surely the rest of Europe would not risk war on account of the actions of the Americans? Russia can then deny any link to the American actions, while America's leaders are fed millions of rubles every year for their cooperation.

With Iraq and Afghanistan firmly in the arms of the Russian bear, she can exert influence on Persia and finally gain the warm-water port that she has dreamed about since time immemorial, and challenge the strength of Her Majesty's navy in the Indian Ocean. With all the blustering on the part of America's leaders regarding Persia's "illegal weapons of mass destruction" , you can rest assured that Russia has America's cannons pointing towards Tehran next...

If Russia does indeed gain control of Persia, she would indisputably become the world's most powerful nation. If action is not taken against Russia now, Europe wil recognise that Russia has become so strong, so inexpugnable, so super-abundantly filled with power, that in no case will Russia ever again take any account of them, and so, far from paying any attention to their opinions or wishes, they will be ready and able to crush them with irresistible power at every moment and in every place, now that they have seized everything they wanted. Then in fear and trembling the rest of Europe will have no choice but to close their eyes to everything, and be content to await what will be the end of it all.

The Concert of Europe must stand united in the face of this new wave of Russian aggression.

Tai-Wan is an integral part of China!

Many people in the world are still holding the wrong idea that TaiWan doesn't belong to China. Here ,i just want to clarify some truths:
(1)though TaiWan was once under the control of Japan, but japanese must put down their ambitions of Taiwan.
(2) the abruption of mainland and Taiwan is temporary, no one can stop the reunification ,just as no one can stop the earth going round the sun.
(3) the Taiwan problem is the chinese people's own business , other foreigners don't have any rights to intervene it, just as you don't have the right to intervene your neighbour's sexual problem.
(4)from the people in mainland, to the oversea chinese, all of them agree with the reunification strongly.
(5) if you want to say that "the Taiwan problem should be settle in a democratic way ,let the TaiWanese make their own decision", but i would ask ,what is democracy? if you want democracy,why don't you let all the chinese people make a decision about Taiwan ,this is the majority democracy ,the real democracy; your so-called democracy is the minority democracy,the fake democracy.
(6) Chinese people are one of the wisest peoples in the world , with a 4,000 year old culture. they have their own wisdom to settle the Taiwan problem in a perfect way, and they are trying to find ways such as "one country,two social system" policy.

SO , TAIWAN BELONGS TO CHINA, IS UNSEPARATABLE PART OF PRC.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sincerely,
monkspider

Disney's The Haunted Mansion: The Most Dangerous Film of All-Time

Let me just start up by clearing something up, this film is not an exploitation film. Anyone that watches it based on that assumption is missing the whole idea of the movie. Director Rob Minkoff made this film as an indictment of society, culture, and history. The film is about fascism, neo-fascism, and capitalism, and the images on the screen are not to be taken at face value, but as metaphors for contemporary society, politics and Disney's award-winning "Walt Disney World"(TM) attraction of the same name. The sexual depravity shown on the screen, the coprophagy, the torture, it is all symbolic.

For example, the children in the film are forced to eat excrement becuase Minkoff believed that contemporary culture and society was excrement, and thus was force feeding us, the consumer, with excrement. Let me tell you, he had a real tough one getting that past Disney's censors.

The most interesting aspect of this film is that Minkoff, a homosexual, linked homosexuality with death and fascism. Why after portraying homosexuality in a beautiful way in his earlier works did Minkoff change his tune, nobody knows. Some think he lost his mind while making this movie, others think that top Disney execs forced his hand on this issue. What the truth is will never be known.

Many don't like the film because Minkoff makes the victims out to be emotionless and doesn't allow us to pity them. But thats just what he wanted! By watching the movie, we are like the victims, allowing ourselves to be abused and also being a spectator to abuse. Again, everything in this film is done for a reason. Eddie Murphy's brilliant performance adds to it's genius.

Before watching this film you should be familiar with de Sade, Dante's Inferno, and have some basic understanding of fascism and its history. If you lack any of these three elements, don't watch the movie because you will not get it at all. Again, don't watch this movie at face value. It is one of the sickest, most disturbing films ever made, and it is that way for a reason. Not for shock value or to get banned in country after country, but to make a statement. This film is so dangerous that it is believed by many that Minkoff was assassinated for making it. If everyone got this movie, the world would be in deep trouble.