Monk-History: Atom Bombs! The Once and Future Film?
A couple of years ago film historians finally managed to find a copy of Thomas Edison's 1910 version of Frankenstein. It was the first horror movie ever made, and in 1980 AFI included it on their list of the top ten most "culturally and historically significant lost films". After years of searching it was finally discovered, not unexpectedly, at a garage sale. So here we have this wonderful gem of a movie that was dismissed as lost forever, but, at the last moment, it was rescued from the depths of the abyss by thrifty garage-sale hunters. What a great story, huh? Alas, while Frankenstein has been found, the single most important and sought after lost film remains elusive. The film that men have searched the four corners of the globe for, from the mountains of Tibet, to the bottom of the Antarctic Ocean. That, of course, would be monkspider and snowbot's greatest masterpiece: "Atom Bombs!".
The actual details surrounding "Atom Bombs!", this legendary holy grail of lost films, regretfully, remain sketchy at best. The few vague memories that remain indicate that the film was intended to be some sort of a vague warning against the dangers of nuclear proliferation. Filmed in 1995 or so, it was the first joint directing effort on the parts of monkspider and snowbot. Although the film had humble beginnings as a mere 7th grade science project, it eventually grew into film project so ambitious that it stood over the world like a colossus.
Like I said, the plot of the film has been mostly lost to time. I recall that I played the main villain; a notorious general of some stripe with a bad Jamaican/Mexican accent. Snowbot I believe was the principal hero. One of the main gimmicks of the film was that we were going to immitate the poorly dubbed Asian movies that we loved by having one person read the lines while the actual person playing the character would just move his mouth to simulate speaking. Some of the more comedic moments came when one of us was "dubbed" by Snowbot's little brother or sister. I realize that this joke may sound unfunny now simply because the whole "bad dubbing" thing has been run into the ground by movies like Kung-Pow, but back in 1995 this was incredibly fresh stuff! The only other vivid memory I have of the movie is one scene where snowbot's little brother and sister are playing in the sandbox when an atom bomb goes off. I believed we simulated this by simply shaking the camera.
Anyway, the film's release was a huge hit. A runaway success that was completely without precedent. It was amazing. We were getting positive reviews from teachers, students, I think even Gene Siskel called to congratulate us on our masterpiece. We were all kids who were generally frowned upon as the underclass or losers of middle-school society, so to breakthrough with a movie that was this popular was truly something worthy of praise. I remember that the teacher liked it so much that he even showed it to other classes.
It was clear we were on to something huge. I was sure that the multi-million dollar deal with 20th Century Fox to distribute the film nationwide was just a phone-call away. For a couple of days we were lifted of our plight of being amongst the school's scorned. We even recieved the occasional nod of approval from the popular kids. We were well on our way to getting dozens of girls' phone-numbers and possibly even losing our virginty many years earlier than would actually occur historically in our timeline.
But there, at the height of our revelry, just when all seemed right with the world, tragedy struck. In a notorious decision that would haunt snowbot for the rest of his days, he gave the only copy of the movie to our friend Rodger. Rodger, always being somewhat inexplicably airheaded on certain things, took the film to his uncle's house, where it disappeared forever, probably to be recorded over by Cinemax soft-core. We never saw the film again, and attempts to reclaim the film only ended in frustration. For at least a good year afterword, we ocassionally discussed ways to somehow get the film back. Even at this young age, we had the foresight to realize the film's historical significance. However, our protracted efforts to get back our artistic masterwork only ended in failure. Oh, if only Da Vinci had his Mona Lisa or if Shakespeare had his Hamlet snatched away upon the moment of their completion, how the world would mourn! I cursed the Gods and Rodger every night for this turn of events.
Over the years, "Atom Bombs!" remained an irregular conversation piece amongst Snowbot, Candyman, and I. Probably no more than a couple months would go by before we would make some passing reference to the film, or even inquire as to whether the miraculous had happened and a copy of the film was actually found. All that remained were the original titlecards that we used during filming, which were tucked away in snowbot's room even until late in high school. It may be possible that Snowbot even still owns these last-remaining relics of our work.
So if you are ever at a garage sale, and you happen to find a blank cassette tape featuring the witty repartee of three handsome young chaps offering a stern warning against those foolish enough to harnass the power of the atom, hold on to it. You might just have found a masterpiece.
The actual details surrounding "Atom Bombs!", this legendary holy grail of lost films, regretfully, remain sketchy at best. The few vague memories that remain indicate that the film was intended to be some sort of a vague warning against the dangers of nuclear proliferation. Filmed in 1995 or so, it was the first joint directing effort on the parts of monkspider and snowbot. Although the film had humble beginnings as a mere 7th grade science project, it eventually grew into film project so ambitious that it stood over the world like a colossus.
Like I said, the plot of the film has been mostly lost to time. I recall that I played the main villain; a notorious general of some stripe with a bad Jamaican/Mexican accent. Snowbot I believe was the principal hero. One of the main gimmicks of the film was that we were going to immitate the poorly dubbed Asian movies that we loved by having one person read the lines while the actual person playing the character would just move his mouth to simulate speaking. Some of the more comedic moments came when one of us was "dubbed" by Snowbot's little brother or sister. I realize that this joke may sound unfunny now simply because the whole "bad dubbing" thing has been run into the ground by movies like Kung-Pow, but back in 1995 this was incredibly fresh stuff! The only other vivid memory I have of the movie is one scene where snowbot's little brother and sister are playing in the sandbox when an atom bomb goes off. I believed we simulated this by simply shaking the camera.
Anyway, the film's release was a huge hit. A runaway success that was completely without precedent. It was amazing. We were getting positive reviews from teachers, students, I think even Gene Siskel called to congratulate us on our masterpiece. We were all kids who were generally frowned upon as the underclass or losers of middle-school society, so to breakthrough with a movie that was this popular was truly something worthy of praise. I remember that the teacher liked it so much that he even showed it to other classes.
It was clear we were on to something huge. I was sure that the multi-million dollar deal with 20th Century Fox to distribute the film nationwide was just a phone-call away. For a couple of days we were lifted of our plight of being amongst the school's scorned. We even recieved the occasional nod of approval from the popular kids. We were well on our way to getting dozens of girls' phone-numbers and possibly even losing our virginty many years earlier than would actually occur historically in our timeline.
But there, at the height of our revelry, just when all seemed right with the world, tragedy struck. In a notorious decision that would haunt snowbot for the rest of his days, he gave the only copy of the movie to our friend Rodger. Rodger, always being somewhat inexplicably airheaded on certain things, took the film to his uncle's house, where it disappeared forever, probably to be recorded over by Cinemax soft-core. We never saw the film again, and attempts to reclaim the film only ended in frustration. For at least a good year afterword, we ocassionally discussed ways to somehow get the film back. Even at this young age, we had the foresight to realize the film's historical significance. However, our protracted efforts to get back our artistic masterwork only ended in failure. Oh, if only Da Vinci had his Mona Lisa or if Shakespeare had his Hamlet snatched away upon the moment of their completion, how the world would mourn! I cursed the Gods and Rodger every night for this turn of events.
Over the years, "Atom Bombs!" remained an irregular conversation piece amongst Snowbot, Candyman, and I. Probably no more than a couple months would go by before we would make some passing reference to the film, or even inquire as to whether the miraculous had happened and a copy of the film was actually found. All that remained were the original titlecards that we used during filming, which were tucked away in snowbot's room even until late in high school. It may be possible that Snowbot even still owns these last-remaining relics of our work.
So if you are ever at a garage sale, and you happen to find a blank cassette tape featuring the witty repartee of three handsome young chaps offering a stern warning against those foolish enough to harnass the power of the atom, hold on to it. You might just have found a masterpiece.
posted by Monkspider at 1:18 AM
